HibernationLetters 19

Yesterday scrolling through the Facebook & Instagram posts, I noticed how much people like to share the stories and pictures of their date nights. And here I sat missing those days when we used to have our breakfasts together. Early morning strolls ending on reaching our favourite tea stalls or dhabas or some tiny food joint calling itself a restaurant since there was a roof on top.  The post night on-call or the pre morning round times being the best. It's difficult to find a person who can patiently listen to all my blabbering chats. You just played that role so efficiently that falling for you became a facile step. I wonder was it your curiosity or my storytelling charm or a mix of both that led to one thing after another.

I loved visiting all those food corners in that 5-mile radius of our workplace. Sipping the hot beverage, exchanging stories, fighting for you not focussing on my face, blushing when you totally did and waiting to have that last sip of the beverage in your cup that you would leave as usual.

Staying away from you and meeting new people here has taken its toll on me. The dreams are still the same but the hero is not you.

Such beautiful visuals in which the hero came from across the country just to hold my hand caressing with his fingers telling me how much he has always loved me, how he came back for me once, to express how much he has craved to be next to me, how much he still wishes to continue doing so yet somehow he can't. And damn, I woke up from the sleep coming back to the reality of the empty bed beside me and no one else in the house.

It's been so long since you left then why does dreaming about someone else feel like cheating on you?

Clearly, I'm still in a dilemma about moving on or living in the clouds of such false hopes and expectations.

Waiting for a rescuer before I drown in my own thoughts inside my head…

Auldrin

The walking dead (TheTelegraphicTales)

[“I'd never given much thought to how I would die. But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go.”
“About three things I was absolutely positive: first, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him – and I didn't know how dominant that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

--- quoted from the novel Twilight]

No, this isn't any love story. Neither it has anything to do with vampires nor the characters involved are thirsty for each other's blood.

The quotation above is just one of my favorites from the novel series by Stephanie Meyer which does cross my mind everytime I think about him, Mr. Walking Dead (W.D.).

Believe me he doesn't have any fangs either. Also he's not a zombie. Though sometimes he does behave strange but I am counting on him being a human, since he's my therapist and I need him alive!

So Mr. W.D and I belong to the same Alma Mater but we never knew each other back then. Atleast I didn't and hope he didn't stalk me as well.

I dared to initiate a telephonic conversation with him once. The odds being in my favour for he appeared normal and not like what I'd always imagined. After completing my graduation, on returning home I met him a couple of weeks ago. The meeting was planned at a metro station since we had to travel in the same train towards home.

Ok, you probably want to know about his appearance here in the scene.

He is a sturdy looking man, unshaven beard but always dressed in formals. Wears clothes with neat creases, belt buckle kept perfectly in the centre of the waistband and his shoes freshly polished even towards the end of the day.

On his arrival that evening, I immediately noticed his dark gloomy eyes, something that I observe in everyone during the first meet. He extended his hand for a handshake. Firm and gentle, not crushing the fragile bones of my hand. I was quite drawn to his persona. Firstly, because of his dressing style. Secondly, for his smiles and laughs which were good enough to ease my apprehensions. And thirdly, for those deep dark eyes somewhere led mine into his soul and vice versa.

Throughout the journey he stood at an arm's distance neither being close making me uncomfortable nor staying far to loose any attention.

A lot changed within that one hour. They felt more like 3600 seconds worth spent. Soon we parted ways, committing to continue the conversations further over the various electronic medias.

I couldn't talk much as it was our first meet and he wasn't my therapist then. Well, honestly he isn't a specialist and doesn't hold any degree in this part of healthcare field but he is a good friend playing a role just to keep me sane, preventing me from turning into a raving lunatic and being there whenever needed. Though the time took its toll and we couldn't be together again since then, but still it's not the physical presence that's always needed.

Now the equation has certainly changed. No more anxiety or hesitancy while talking but I am still scared of his raised tone which is even loud and clear while being transferred electronically from his outbox to my inbox in bold letters.

Most of the times he appears to be desolate, maintaining a pellucid glass wall between me and him so that I can see through it clearly but never reach out to him.

Some days he is strict and lecturing me about the whole damn world, considering me like a child who knows nothing. Yet sometimes it's totally reverse. I'm still not sure of who is helping whom. Our roles get switched in between at times with him mostly on the stubborn end!

You see I am an innocent dove here!

Also, since he prefers to follow such a demeanor I gave him the above mentioned name. I don't exactly know how he feels or perceives the things around him. He inclines to stay placid by nature.

There are moments of closeness when I feel like we are in the same bubble but if I make any slightest mistake of scratching with my pointed nail in any area, the bubble would burst and he would dissolve into the thin air leaving me where I am. Alone.

So, I let him be while waiting patiently for the stories to come out on their own, someday.

P.S. Do you want part two of this story?

From inside a nutshell...

Auldrin

HibernationLetters 18

The initial memories I have of the city are all credited to its heat. My first response to the hot, humid spells of the climate was an impulsive haircut. Those long strands once reaching my waist no longer belonged there. It was the language barrier which caused me so much loss, since I didn't clearly understand the length that the beautician informed me about and I gave a thumbs up. My new hairdo, just barely touching the base of my neck made me feel hideous. Luckily you never had to see that phase because the sad part of the story was the heat which still continued to kill me even after this sacrifice.

Believe me for most of the girls/women these timely haircuts are a huge sacrifice.

I'd always enjoyed the rains. Being under a near constant cover of clouds eventually made me fall in love with the city too.

Now the extremes of weather back home doesn't suit me. The summers being too hot & dry and the winters easily freezing outside.

After your arrival the winters would be the best. Sitting close to you, surrounded by your arms, the warmth was cosily perfect. I'd never feel that much of cold in your presence like you were a different species of a man in a machine constantly controlling his body temperature and radiating some heat as well.

Now it's cold all over again. Even in the summers and especially during the nights.

You are so far away yet the beauty of this love is the moonlight that we share every night.

Wandering around in search of the stars…

Auldrin

Message

Hi friends,

The blog  https://drvasudhakumari.blogspot.com/?m=1 is now active and running.

This is an attempt to reach out to you people with some reliable facts, rising health issues of concern and how to lead a healthy life.

Hope it's useful!

Yours only

Auldrin

(DrVasudhaKumari)

The Readers

It's strange how one thing that we all humans have in common i.e Time, decides to change one fine day.

Forget women it's the 'Time’ that has a major share of mood swings, up and down, good and bad, chaos and peace.

As for me, it's just been still lately. Though the clock is ticking but I am not moving along with it.

I never realised I would reach this far with this blog.

Writing has always been a hobby since I was a child but until 2years back it was never public. All the firing motivation & courtesy to my sister in law that these words found life.

Initial phase was an insecure one, difficult to understand what is good or bad, what is safe to write, what will attract the masses, what will not make the people judge thinking it's my story. All these insecurities yet no readers.😀

I started reading more, observing everything around me better and slowly outgrew all those apprehensions.

Fiction or reality, love or hate, humour or sarcasm, poetry or stories etc I decided to give it all to the outside world and leave upto them to decide the background.

The readers are free to search for the source or feel the pain or find the truth behind every piece I write.

I will continue the way I want.

It doesn't matter as long as I stay immortal in these verses.

The readers still exist.

Somewhere away in the desert, dusted in the weather, reading everything I write.

Some overseas for whom I don't know if they know that I know about them.😋

One placidly reading & searching for solace.

One far away in a shady place waiting for some light from here.

And don't even get me started about the one who is advising me to write our story!😱

I secretly hope there are more. The anonymous followers add the spices for changing the flavours time to time.

Happy to celebrate the 💯 with you all.

Cheers!

You will always find me here…

Auldrin

The friend who abandoned me!

‘You need a haircut, it's like horse's tail in the end’- she said.

'I don't have both time and money to spend right now’- I replied.

'Come here’- she said approaching with a giant pair of scissors in her hand, probably which tailors use to cut clothes with.

I didn't run. There was no point of doing that as she would outrun me. Though lean and thin but she was much stronger.

I woke up to the reality. No one was around me. No hostel room. The walls looked different too. It was a dream again of my friend and I was home.

Almost over 8 months now, since she left the hostel without saying a word to me and never contacted again.

My college time best friend with whom I shared my darkest secrets, one fine day disappeared into the thin air. No other friend knowing about her whereabouts. No response from any of the contacts she had given me. None of her own working as well. No response from anyone in the family. No one answered at the home address I'd found in the directory. No idea whether or not she's alive. Nothing!

Frustrating isn't it?

Filled with rage?

Feeling dejected?

You won't know how I feel.

We had been together for years, in all our ups and downs, in sickness and in health, with love and laughter growing the unconditional bond of trust.

Yet she's gone with no clue behind.

No hint of trouble and no tinge of despair.

No trail behind for me to follow.

I am living with it everyday now, some days awake and some nights in dreams.

I always loved her eyes until now for I feel betrayed by them. Life has been a constant turmoil since then.

During the initial weeks I used to dream of a dark lonely passage with her being at the other end. I would try to walk towards her but the passage ended into a bright light burning my eyes. I used to wake up scared.

The next following weeks were spent dreaming of atrocities of our country. Tears rolling out of my eyes in sleep.

My thoughts crowded with fears regarding her well being.

But I didn't want to give up.

So I have decided to stay here at the other end of the tunnel hoping for her return.

Along the support of her dreams again, this time all the happy and fun-filled ones.

Also, with my fingers crossed!

QOTD- Has anyone of you ever been in my shoes?

Auldrin