HibernationLetters 25

Last night going through my journals I found the one gifted by you.

A diary made with handmade paper in which I loved to scribble with ink pens, some painting colours and it would absorb everything. Leaving no mark on the next page.

Sometimes I feel I'm like that handmade paper only, absorbing everything within and not staining the surroundings.

Yesterday I wrote all the pending poetries in it which needed to be added to my journals.

Tears mixed along the ink didn't bother me.

I just needed to finish it and set it aside.

I left a note in it for whoever finds it in the future when I'm no more.

But I don't want to see it again.

Too many heartbreaking memories.

Too many sacrifices, compromises.

I had warned you many times to not take me for granted, to not take my love for granted and also don't take the time for granted.

You didn't listen.

You didn't realise.

Now, time has taken its toll on everything.

I packed the lamp you gave wishing me a life full of light.

It has lost its shine. The glitters have faded. I tried replacing the bulb but the brightness has decreased on its own.

Maybe the lamp misses you too and it worked only till there was love. Your love.

Your ego rules you so I've lost every hope.

You will blame me, curse me or even be furious but never will you realise the wrong that you did.

While I waited for you with the food readily served on the table you never came back on time.

The day I was tired after work, hungry and decided to eat you came and doubted my integrity.

I changed myself from head to toe as per you liked, didn't I deserve atleast some part of it in return?

If you as a man can fight for your self respect then where was I wrong to fight for mine?

Maybe now you feel the same agony that I've been living with for a long time.

I believe after sometime you will forget me as well just like the rest of our memories.

Never did I ever ask for any gold

just sometime of yours

to be spent together,

you took the love for granted

but forgot what I'd said

just love will never be enough

for a relationship to be mended.

P.S. You pushed it too far this time!

Done and dusted

Auldrin

HibernationLetters 24

Then

“Me - For how long are we going to stand here? It's 3am.

You - Just a little longer till the Sunrise after that our shift starts anyway and you'll be by my side all day long.

Me - Am I not with you since the past 24 hours already? Moreover I am tired and need to lie down for the remaining 2 hours atleast.

You (coming closer) - Lean on me. You’ll feel relaxed. I will bring your favourite masala tea and toast in a while and make you fit and ready as usual.

Me - Ahaan, what about you?

You - I get relieved from all the stress when next to you.”

There was a time when we had such conversations even after double Ad days (48 hours shift). Just looking for excuses to stay together. There was no difference between day or night. Only the stars told us when it was the peak at night.

Our body was adjusted so much to stress that standing near the hostel gate for the whole night wasn't tiring at all. Like they say- No pain, no gain!

Maybe that's why our relationship flourished during those days.

Now

Nothing.

A heavy burdened heart with no words.

You have priorities in which I am not in the top order. Maybe in the middle order though, yeah maybe!

Now

My concerns smother you. You compare us to the other couples wherein the wife has given full freedom to her husband and how I trouble you now & then with questions like- Where are you? What are you doing? Have you eaten? When will you see me? etc.

Now

You ask me to understand your situation. You ask me for space to breath and rest as you get tired after work. But when you have nothing to do you get anxious that I no longer care to ask about how you're doing!

You worry that I am falling for someone else but you never realise that maybe it's somewhere your fault too.

Now

The only form of conversation left between us are telephonic. The only form of meeting left between us is over a video call. Yet somehow there is no time to spare from your busy schedule.

Neither I asked you for any gold then nor can I ask you for your time now.

Slowly I'm fading away into the dusky night and by the following morning dissolving into the mist.

Pumping my heart with the song “Jiyein Kyun” on loop, for now as long as I can feel this pain I feel alive!

Done and dusted

Auldrin

HibernationLetters (Unnumbered)

I keep checking the app, time and again. Just to stare at this background. The girl peacefully having her beverage, a faint smile appearing radiant.

Doesn't she look happy and harmonizing with herself?

Calm and unperturbed by any commotion of this abysmal world.

I wonder if I could achieve the same or atleast find solace rather than hoping for your return and watch everything turn into a mirage.

Yet I am still staring at my phone screen for quite sometime now, waiting for your call or SMS. Maybe an email or even an old style telegram with just a limit of twenty-five words but I'm patiently holding up till you figure out a source to communicate.

Trying to come out of the nutshell!

Auldrin

HibernationLetters 18

The initial memories I have of the city are all credited to its heat. My first response to the hot, humid spells of the climate was an impulsive haircut. Those long strands once reaching my waist no longer belonged there. It was the language barrier which caused me so much loss, since I didn't clearly understand the length that the beautician informed me about and I gave a thumbs up. My new hairdo, just barely touching the base of my neck made me feel hideous. Luckily you never had to see that phase because the sad part of the story was the heat which still continued to kill me even after this sacrifice.

Believe me for most of the girls/women these timely haircuts are a huge sacrifice.

I'd always enjoyed the rains. Being under a near constant cover of clouds eventually made me fall in love with the city too.

Now the extremes of weather back home doesn't suit me. The summers being too hot & dry and the winters easily freezing outside.

After your arrival the winters would be the best. Sitting close to you, surrounded by your arms, the warmth was cosily perfect. I'd never feel that much of cold in your presence like you were a different species of a man in a machine constantly controlling his body temperature and radiating some heat as well.

Now it's cold all over again. Even in the summers and especially during the nights.

You are so far away yet the beauty of this love is the moonlight that we share every night.

Wandering around in search of the stars…

Auldrin

Book Review-Milk and Honey

Milk and honey

Author- Rupi Kaur

Publisher- Andrews McMeel Publishing

Format- Paperback

M.R.P- 499

No. of pages- 208

Milk and Honey is an anthology written by a young prolific writer, Rupi Kaur. A collection of poetry, prose, and hand-drawn illustrations, the book has four chapters dealing with four common issues developing in a young mind. These are titled as "the hurting", "the loving", "the breaking", and "the healing". The author designed the book from cover to cover, illustrating pictures that were woven in with her words.

The hurting describes different emotions of a female mind and body, about the silence a girl learns from her mother, the inappropriate touch by the males and the pain of a heaving chest radiating to down there.

The loving expresses the unconditional love of a mother who gives her everything (mind, body, soul) in bringing a new life into this world. The loving shows the passion of a couple which lays hidden during an argument but emerges out erotically on making up.

The breaking will capture your mind, the wilting love will make you travel back to all those relationships where you forgot to breathe and the words will help you find solace no matter it all ended. Eventually it will leave you with a smile and praise for the author.

The healing will teach you to believe first in your own self because that is the moment when you rehabilitate back into the world, your heart mends slowly, your mind feels healthy and you feel blissful.

From the book-

• the thing about having

       an alcoholic parent

       is an alcoholic parent

       does not exist

       simply

       an alcoholic

       who could not stay sober

        long enough to raise their kids (39)

• what am i to you he asks

       i put my hands in his lap

       and whisper you

       are every hope

       i’ve ever had

       in human form (49)

• the very thought of you

       has my legs spread apart

       like an easel with a canvas

       begging for art (57)

• you might not have been my first love

       but you were the love that made

       all the other loves

       irrelevant (63)

• it wasn't you i was kissing

       - don't be mistaken

       it was him on my mind

       your lips were just convenient (113)

• i don't know why

       i split myself open

       for others knowing

       sewing myself up

       hurts this much

       afterward (125)

• perhaps the saddest of all

      are those who live waiting

      for someone they're not

      sure exists

      - 7 billion people (157)

• for you to see beauty here

      does not mean

      there is beauty in me

      it means there is beauty rooted

      so deep within you

      you can't help but

      see it everywhere (192)

These are just a few words I shared here but there is a whole new world in the book. Take your favourite cup of tea/coffee and go on read it!

Rating- 4.5/5

I have the beautiful rains waiting for me by the window.

Sayonara!

-©Auldrin❤

The new beginnings (Part-3)

Some relationships are "COINCIDENTAL". This one needed more words than just a poem.

She was one simple girl, crazy within and lively outside. He was one shy guy, passionate within but calm and composed on the outside, as if there was a sea within him, the waves of which only he could hear. Time and again they would sit together at lectures, making small talks leading to no where, but they both were very observant about every word the other said. Perhaps their minds were already connected, only matter of time for them to realise.
2 A.M. one cold night, cold because it had been raining a lot, lying on the bed though miles away from each other, both sleepless and full of thoughts. She kept her phone silent, suddenly her screen became bright, there was a text message! Even with closed eyes she knew it was her phone, she checked the message and his name flashed on the screen. Bewildered and confused, for a while she was lost, conscious yet unconscious. She tried being casual asking him how he got her contact and why was he texting at this hour? He tried being smart saying from a mutual friend and that he had a doubt about a topic of the class. Slightly their cheeks lifted, his right and her left. It was slowly turning into a saga, there was always "this" urge of talking to each other though they would never talk anything else but class topics.
One day she came out of a store, someone grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall. It was HIM, both breathing heavily, as he exhaled she inhaled and vice versa. She could feel her heart pounding with gush of emotions, her hands trembled to push him away because she didnt want to. His arms were tight around her waist, he was close, very close, hardly few milimetres apart. His nose smelling her hair, made her bite her lip, but he was resisting himself so hard, controlling the animal inside him for he didn't want to scare her away. He seemed perplexed about what was she doing near his home, is she a stalker? he wondered. But she wasnt, it was just a mere coincidence, and she ran away from there not looking back again.
Like I said, some relationships are coincidental. Even after no contact for months, they met again, accidentally ofcourse, at a dancing festival in the rain! He didn't ask for permission, just held her with some strength as if she belonged to him, taking her to the dance floor and she automatically started dancing to his tunes. There were noises of whistling, clappings, cheers but none of them reaching their ears. Except for the contact (which they actually never used for anything but only class doubts), the only thing they knew about each other were the EMOTIONS. How her smile worked as a magic fire melting his heart, how his touch gave her a shivering down the spine, how her shining eyes gave him the most beautiful light of his life and how his voice always found its way to her soul.
Now how would you feel if I tell you, all of this is real? No fiction, they are still bumping into each other by mere coincidences of their fates and that they are actually loving it, testing their luck, more and more, day by day, waiting for "THAT" one day when they finally decide to be together forever and share their FIRST KISS!!!

2️⃣ LittleLoveLullaby

His voice into my ears

He had no clue

Times I fell in love 

Listening to his songs too.

So I read to him

Every word I had written

Staring into his eyes

Falling in love 'again'

Like a baby he adorably listened!

Their First...

With my fragile heart, don't you play
Oh dear, love me some shades of grey..
A dark abyss, endless night
Everything was perfect, beautifully right
Watching her smile he realised now
She was more adorable, on the left somehow
His lips lied but the only thing he wished,
Stare those cute dimples & mesmerising eyes
Unaware he was, she struggled as well
Difficult to hide, feelings she could not tell
How much she resisted his scent 
Every time the wind blew
His breath, passionate voice into her ears
For it made her heart skip a beat or two!
With my fragile heart, don't you play
Oh dear, just love me some shades of grey..
Slightly through the curtains, daylight seeped in
With a new beginning, bright morning came
In their minds both wondering the same
No touching, it was their first night together
Yet the two hearts connected forever!