HibernationLetters 37

To
The emperor of optimism,
Guess what my bold prediction for 2027 is.
From
The queen of words.

~Auldrin

HibernationLetters 32

To,
The emperor of optimism
A little bundle of joy.
From
The queen of words.

~Auldrin

Don't judge me!

Different faces

HibernationLetters 19

Yesterday scrolling through the Facebook & Instagram posts, I noticed how much people like to share the stories and pictures of their date nights. And here I sat missing those days when we used to have our breakfasts together. Early morning strolls ending on reaching our favourite tea stalls or dhabas or some tiny food joint calling itself a restaurant since there was a roof on top.  The post night on-call or the pre morning round times being the best. It's difficult to find a person who can patiently listen to all my blabbering chats. You just played that role so efficiently that falling for you became a facile step. I wonder was it your curiosity or my storytelling charm or a mix of both that led to one thing after another.

I loved visiting all those food corners in that 5-mile radius of our workplace. Sipping the hot beverage, exchanging stories, fighting for you not focussing on my face, blushing when you totally did and waiting to have that last sip of the beverage in your cup that you would leave as usual.

Staying away from you and meeting new people here has taken its toll on me. The dreams are still the same but the hero is not you.

Such beautiful visuals in which the hero came from across the country just to hold my hand caressing with his fingers telling me how much he has always loved me, how he came back for me once, to express how much he has craved to be next to me, how much he still wishes to continue doing so yet somehow he can't. And damn, I woke up from the sleep coming back to the reality of the empty bed beside me and no one else in the house.

It's been so long since you left then why does dreaming about someone else feel like cheating on you?

Clearly, I'm still in a dilemma about moving on or living in the clouds of such false hopes and expectations.

Waiting for a rescuer before I drown in my own thoughts inside my head…

Auldrin

Book Review-Milk and Honey

Milk and honey

Author- Rupi Kaur

Publisher- Andrews McMeel Publishing

Format- Paperback

M.R.P- 499

No. of pages- 208

Milk and Honey is an anthology written by a young prolific writer, Rupi Kaur. A collection of poetry, prose, and hand-drawn illustrations, the book has four chapters dealing with four common issues developing in a young mind. These are titled as "the hurting", "the loving", "the breaking", and "the healing". The author designed the book from cover to cover, illustrating pictures that were woven in with her words.

The hurting describes different emotions of a female mind and body, about the silence a girl learns from her mother, the inappropriate touch by the males and the pain of a heaving chest radiating to down there.

The loving expresses the unconditional love of a mother who gives her everything (mind, body, soul) in bringing a new life into this world. The loving shows the passion of a couple which lays hidden during an argument but emerges out erotically on making up.

The breaking will capture your mind, the wilting love will make you travel back to all those relationships where you forgot to breathe and the words will help you find solace no matter it all ended. Eventually it will leave you with a smile and praise for the author.

The healing will teach you to believe first in your own self because that is the moment when you rehabilitate back into the world, your heart mends slowly, your mind feels healthy and you feel blissful.

From the book-

• the thing about having

       an alcoholic parent

       is an alcoholic parent

       does not exist

       simply

       an alcoholic

       who could not stay sober

        long enough to raise their kids (39)

• what am i to you he asks

       i put my hands in his lap

       and whisper you

       are every hope

       i’ve ever had

       in human form (49)

• the very thought of you

       has my legs spread apart

       like an easel with a canvas

       begging for art (57)

• you might not have been my first love

       but you were the love that made

       all the other loves

       irrelevant (63)

• it wasn't you i was kissing

       - don't be mistaken

       it was him on my mind

       your lips were just convenient (113)

• i don't know why

       i split myself open

       for others knowing

       sewing myself up

       hurts this much

       afterward (125)

• perhaps the saddest of all

      are those who live waiting

      for someone they're not

      sure exists

      - 7 billion people (157)

• for you to see beauty here

      does not mean

      there is beauty in me

      it means there is beauty rooted

      so deep within you

      you can't help but

      see it everywhere (192)

These are just a few words I shared here but there is a whole new world in the book. Take your favourite cup of tea/coffee and go on read it!

Rating- 4.5/5

I have the beautiful rains waiting for me by the window.

Sayonara!

-©Auldrin❤

First times (TheTelegraphicTales)

Today is just one day break I've got after an year long of Internship. Ahh...it amazes me to recall how far I've come, what all I went through, from seeing deaths and pretending emotionless to seeking love for self in between. I have grown, I have matured for I have learnt the professional aspect of life. Though many more years are to come, yet more than theoretical knowledge it's practicality of life that I've learnt. They will all stay in my memory forever, all the “first-times”!

The first time when I walked through the corridors of the medicine ward as a doctor. First day of work when I saw a soul leaving an old fragile body, I still remember the ashen face, it was the first time I learned to declare death. The day I did a first pleural tap in a patient with severe respiratory distress and how immediately I saw her breathing getting relieved from under such pressure. The first time when I made the biggest blunder of my life. The first time I realised that not everyone has a family and started taking care of an unknown patient. I remember his face, his lean and thin body with a huge abdomen filled with water, just like that of a pregnant woman. How daily we poked him with needles to take out 1-2 litres of water from inside his abdomen. Till the day he died, but he died relieved. The first time when a patient blessed me with happiness and good luck, the first time a patient brought for a small statue of a bird which she made herself and the first time I did lumbar puncture on the same patient to confirm the diagnosis of meningitis.

There was a first time I did a suture, in the CBOT, where life taught me another strange lesson that death is the best when it's sudden for the slow ones are too painful. I have had mornings that began with gruesome RTA’s, blood everywhere, surrounded with casualties and me standing in between, working.

I treasure the memory when I solely assisted a mother into delivering a healthy baby girl. The first time when I had to repair the episiotomy wound of a mother who had delivered a big baby. Although I always had a liking towards the subject of Paediatrics but my first day began with fear for the sensitivity of the treatment required for tiny little babies. Where the counseling of a mother comes first, even before you touch her child for anything. But ironically the day ended with beautiful smiles on the small kids. I reminisce about the day when I held a newborn in my arms for the first time. The days and nights that I spent sleepless looking after the babies in the NICU gave me a satisfaction rather than fatigue.

Then came the day when I finally learned how to put a cast on a fractured joint or limb. I recalled the statement everyone used to say, just clear your entrance then life would be fun in a medical college, just clear your MBBS & internship would be fun, but it was in my rural posting when I finally mastered how to survive.

And then sequentially after few minor postings I finally faced the dreadful “general ER”. It was a menace. Hundreds of patients in just a 12-hour shift, never thought of even counting for a day. Standing on toes during the whole shift, treating and advising people to go home, I myself used to return to my room, dead with fatigue. Yet the intriguing thing was the peaceful sleep I used to get once I came back.

To be honest I have always avoided to be in situations where there were cut injuries requiring skills of suturing, this much I was sure of that I disliked them from the core of my heart. I still laugh at myself recalling the day I had my last on-call. My night shift was to end at 8am in the morning and just at 7:30am arrived a little boy with his father. No Matter how much you try to run away from your fears you end up facing them one day. I was in no position to call anyone, neither my seniors nor my juniors, it had to be done by me, solely. So finally I did it. It was my last on-call of a year long Internship and the boy was my first patient on whom I did a suture all alone. (Sssshhhh..he didn't know that, but that little boy taught me patience by expressing it himself, at the age of 8yrs he was bolder than me for he didn't even move an inch while I did it all.)

All's well that ends well! Today is just one day I've got to spend without any calls to attend. From tomorrow I will face a new beginning, a new challenge & a new me!

Signing off.

~©Auldrin❤

Another time another place

These feelings have no end
Even if we separate,
I will meet you again
Another time another place.
If not my voice
My words shall reach you,
I'll return to reside in that heart
For this love is true.
You can move on
You don't have to stop,
It will just be my soul
Protecting round the clock.
One day shall come
Unknowingly you'll grieve,
Silently sliding out as tears
Through your eyes I will leave.
Run your fingers on the pages
Read my words to embrace,
& we shall meet again
Another time another place.

~Auldrin©

Specially challenged (TheTelegraphicTales)

Today while working in the ER I encountered a young patient​, a boy 17yrs of age, who could not hear or speak since birth. He was accompanied by his mother who somehow managed to tell us that he has stomach ache. He was so restless that I could myself understand this much from his body language and my clinical knowledge. I started giving him some injections which would relieve his symptoms but they weren't of much help. I called up a friend who knew sign language so as to communicate with him but his mother informed that he is not educated. And there I felt the floor slipping away from under my foot, what did I just hear? A deaf & dumb boy, how will he express himself? If his two senses aren't working he still has other senses intact. He can see, he can write but his parents never realised that how important it is to express oneself. Shocked and surprised at the same time, on knowing the family history, the couple had 4 kids of which one was specially challenged. While there are many NGOs, schools and other health & education ​systems established for providing the necessary information and teaching, at a minimal cost, very much affordable and sometimes free as well yet people don't use them. The parents were spending money in lakhs for the education of their three kids but not a single penny for this child only because they thought what will he do with education. You be rich or poor but if you don't have the ability of expressing you cannot help your ownself. We talk about the big changes we want, well this is where we need to start. All the knowledge I gained in these years was useless today in front of him for even if I had known the sign language he wouldn't understand me at all. We tried counseling his parents but they didn't pay much heed to our words & took away our mysterious patient, discharging on risk bond. I could only silently pray for him because that's what we do all the time after we are done with the medicinal treatment, pray to God to handle the rest!

~Auldrin© 

Rust

Stories not to tell.

Finally as I joined work

More excited than me

She said, now it's final

You will have stories to tell

You will have more to write

Every road you go through

In this long, very long journey

But here I am months later

With an empty folder

I have experienced enough

Enough to share

Except that they are painful

Why would anyone

Want to feel words

That are filled with pain

Reasoning with self,

Will she be able to consume

Everything I tell

For I need a buffer myself

Which I luckily have

Daddy, is the one

No matter how much aching

Yet he will listen

Patiently hear and absorb

Manage a smile

Relieving me from all

That's bothering my mind.

4️⃣ Aaj hai ye shayrana andaaz

Ek behta dariya, 
kuch ashqon se
Ek bada samandar, 
bhara mohabbat se
Ek kore kaagaz par, 
tumhe jab yaad kiya
Fir unhi hawaaon ko salaam, 
jo le gayi tum tak paigaam mera...

VK©

YOU

The sadist love!

C'mon go through my face,
Agonized by this silence.
Just look into my eyes,
For the hunger it hides.
Once closer, hold my waist,
Feel my body shiver.
Now hold my angry hands,
Eager to grab your collar.
Then check out my lips,
Waiting to touch yours.
See how I am resisting,
The animal that lies within.
Your intimidating power,
To which I want to surrender.
Come closer, don't be apart,
Just sense my racing heart.
Are you being a sadist, my love?
Taking pleasure of my situation.
You pass by me, smiling,
Embarking on bullet firing.
Baby you just have no clue,
What all I am going through.
I try forgetting you, time & again,
You won't let me, stubborn man.
Eventually I lose all my words,
Silly I behave, my bravery lost,
Half-when I search for you,
Completely, the moment I see you.
~VK©

The new beginnings (Part-2)

Days after, they met again

So sudden, purely coincidental 

In the lobby, bumping into each other

Ohh he held her, being so gentle

Though his touch made her shiver

Yet innocently she smiled

Staring into his eyes

He stopped as well for a while

Then in a hurry, again it was goodbyes

Words still could not be exchanged

She went away too, angry at herself

Why every time their lips get sealed?

Finally they were all alone

They had a chance for themselves

He too walked away blaming the time

Missing a perfect chance to pick up a line

They both missed it so bad

Still having no idea

Both are anxious, both felt sad...

The new beginnings...

...No seat, he damned the lecture hall
Ohh there, catching her inquisitive eyes
Everything was forgotten, nothing to recall
Instantly approached, sat beside her
Both unaware, what did just happen there 
Over the time exchanging sheepish smiles
And hand rest fights
That overruling shyness
Awkwardness converting to an amiable silence
Making small talks was quite an art
As they craved each other's attention
Wishing for at least a tiny start...

2️⃣ LittleLoveLullaby

His voice into my ears

He had no clue

Times I fell in love 

Listening to his songs too.

So I read to him

Every word I had written

Staring into his eyes

Falling in love 'again'

Like a baby he adorably listened!

Their First...

With my fragile heart, don't you play
Oh dear, love me some shades of grey..
A dark abyss, endless night
Everything was perfect, beautifully right
Watching her smile he realised now
She was more adorable, on the left somehow
His lips lied but the only thing he wished,
Stare those cute dimples & mesmerising eyes
Unaware he was, she struggled as well
Difficult to hide, feelings she could not tell
How much she resisted his scent 
Every time the wind blew
His breath, passionate voice into her ears
For it made her heart skip a beat or two!
With my fragile heart, don't you play
Oh dear, just love me some shades of grey..
Slightly through the curtains, daylight seeped in
With a new beginning, bright morning came
In their minds both wondering the same
No touching, it was their first night together
Yet the two hearts connected forever!

Her dissolving feelings...

Time had passed, on him she had no affect
Even after signals she gave nothing would reflect
Because of the culture and society she could not
Sometimes when with someone else she would not
Say or do anything
Definitely not love she was sure
Just meant something her intentions being pure
Maybe just attracted to his nature and personality
And knew together they would stand no where in reality
Day after day, they would meet and talk
But still about her his mind was block
All she wanted was him to realize
He had one more admirer in his life
She had to fade away without his attention 
Her grief neither noticed nor mentioned...

Seasons Of love...

In the scorching heat
With sunburns all over,
I thought of you
And your cold heart!
Standing in the rains
Shivering, all drenched,
I thought of you
And your gifted tears!
Watching the leaves fall
Agony that tree felt,
I thought of you
And your parting glance!
On a freezing night
In front of the fireplace,
I thought of you
And your deceitful vows! 
Striving to rise above 
Moving on with life,
I thought of you
And your fading affection!
On the path of success
Achieving heights, happiness,
No more thoughts of you
OR your frail love!