HibernationLetters 24

Then

“Me - For how long are we going to stand here? It's 3am.

You - Just a little longer till the Sunrise after that our shift starts anyway and you'll be by my side all day long.

Me - Am I not with you since the past 24 hours already? Moreover I am tired and need to lie down for the remaining 2 hours atleast.

You (coming closer) - Lean on me. You’ll feel relaxed. I will bring your favourite masala tea and toast in a while and make you fit and ready as usual.

Me - Ahaan, what about you?

You - I get relieved from all the stress when next to you.”

There was a time when we had such conversations even after double Ad days (48 hours shift). Just looking for excuses to stay together. There was no difference between day or night. Only the stars told us when it was the peak at night.

Our body was adjusted so much to stress that standing near the hostel gate for the whole night wasn't tiring at all. Like they say- No pain, no gain!

Maybe that's why our relationship flourished during those days.

Now

Nothing.

A heavy burdened heart with no words.

You have priorities in which I am not in the top order. Maybe in the middle order though, yeah maybe!

Now

My concerns smother you. You compare us to the other couples wherein the wife has given full freedom to her husband and how I trouble you now & then with questions like- Where are you? What are you doing? Have you eaten? When will you see me? etc.

Now

You ask me to understand your situation. You ask me for space to breath and rest as you get tired after work. But when you have nothing to do you get anxious that I no longer care to ask about how you're doing!

You worry that I am falling for someone else but you never realise that maybe it's somewhere your fault too.

Now

The only form of conversation left between us are telephonic. The only form of meeting left between us is over a video call. Yet somehow there is no time to spare from your busy schedule.

Neither I asked you for any gold then nor can I ask you for your time now.

Slowly I'm fading away into the dusky night and by the following morning dissolving into the mist.

Pumping my heart with the song “Jiyein Kyun” on loop, for now as long as I can feel this pain I feel alive!

Done and dusted

Auldrin